Land of Peculiar

2008-09-02T16:34:00.005-04:00

Everyone who knows me well knows I am bat-shit crazy afraid of high bridges. I have huge panic attacks, swirly-twisting-falling vertigo, and generally react like a freaking loon when confronted with things like the Bay Bridge. I can barely drive over the Key Bridge and this is a constant source of amusement to my darling children(the little bastards).

So I receive a call from my friend asking if I can help take her daughter to college. This girl is like a daughter to me and I was glad to be able to help. I was a little afraid because she is attending St. Mary's and I believed that it was on the Eastern Shore. Nope, it's in Southern Maryland - I'm safe there is no Bay Bridge to worry about. La la la and so I was lulled into a false sense of security. Car was loaded, GPS was programmed, trip went smoothly, and soon we were about ten miles from the school. And then I saw it.

Satan's Evil Torture Device Go ahead, look and tell me how "beautiful" it is. Yeah, beautiful like a long drop with a sudden splat at the end. I would need a big truck full of pharmaceuticals to drive on that thing.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I saw it at the last minute and was actually on the beginning edge of it before the full horror hit me. There was absolutely NO WAY I could ever drive across this looming mass of terror and death. So I did the only logical thing. The only sane thing. I stopped and put on my emergency blinkers. Yes, on a skinny one-lane-in-each-direction, no-shoulders-nowhere-to-go big giant bridge on busy road from Hell, I stopped and started trying to back up. The good folks behind me seemed a tad irritated by my perfectly logical behavior and proceeded to serenade me with the cheery tones of their car horns. When traffic allowed, some would go around me and I would quickly back up a car-length. I really don't know how long I plugged up traffic like an insane cork, but it seemed like a very brief period of time before the nice policeman was knocking on my window and requesting my license and registration. I suppose I looked like I was having some kind of bad Acid Trip or something. I know my hands were shaking and I'm pretty sure I was completely incoherent when attempting to answer his questions(some would say incoherent is my natural state even at the best of times).

A wonderful woman came running up about this time. She had seen the look of terror on my face and knew I was having a panic attack. She kindly drove my car across the bridge and the policeman took me across in his car. Lady - you are an Angel. Thank You! You definitely have made a giant deposit into your Good Karma account. I am eternally grateful.

As I sat slouched down as far as possible, tightly covering my eyes in the squad car I asked the cop if this kind of thing happens very often. He said no - I was the first. Actually, he laughed and said I would go down in the record books as the very first. Good to know I am ahead of the curve on something.

The rest of the day was(thankfully) rather mundane and average. Thank God. And fortunately there are other ways to return to Baltimore without crossing the Arch of Doom, otherwise I would probably be stuck down there forever.

2008-08-24T13:02:00.002-04:00

I recently joined the Baltimore Etsy Street Team, and this morning I attended my first meeting. This has caused me no end of anxiety. I am so deficient in your average social skills that the idea of plonking my fat ass down in a room full of complete strangers(all of whom are WAY more experienced and talented than me) has had me stressing for a week.

Everyone was completely welcoming and very nice. It was a friendly, laid-back group with lots of laughter and encouragement. There were other new members there, as well, so I was not the only newcomer. I am genuinely looking forward to getting to know these women better. I hope they don't think I'm too much of a spaz, or worse - old and boring.

But, OH MY GOD, they are all so far ahead of me in this craft stuff. I saw so many cute, beautiful, fascinating things I wanted to compliment but I was afraid of coming off like

a. some spastic fangirl

or worse...

b. some phony suck-up just trolling for brownie points

So I did what I always end up doing. I sat like a bump on a frog's ass and said nothing. I'm afraid when it was time to introduce myself I probably mumbled like an idiot. I'm sure I was probably incomprehensible. It is murder talking about myself.

I also felt like an idiot because I have never heard of a LOT of the stuff they were talking about. I've never heard of a Trunk Show and my "studio" consists of a cluttered corner of my basement. Right now my insecurities are raging like a bad case of the clap.

Now I will attempt to encourage myself by writing positive things...

* Nothing ventured nothing gained. If I chicken out I will have gained nothing and lost everything.

* In the little local shows I have done, people have bought my stuff, so it mustn't suck(too much).

* People have hearted my Etsy shops and bought things from me there, too.

* If I keep it up, I can learn and grow and maybe someday I will have a real studio, too.

2008-07-27T18:18:00.004-04:00

Ok, so this time it is my fault. I am just a lazy terrible blogger. I never know what to write about. I suppose if I was a talkative person it would be different. But, I am not. I am usually the listener in a conversation. So here is some new stuff I have made for my new Etsy shop, QuietGarden. It has only been open for a day and I have one sale already! I am very happy.

This time its not my fault

2008-06-17T20:44:00.003-04:00

When I came back to my poor orphaned blog I vowed not to let my postings slip again. But it happened. And I am totally calling Not. My. Fault. Nope, I completely am throwing all of the blame onto my nasty icky PAINFUL...ruptured appendix.
A word to the wise from someone who absolutely did not know better - when your appendix starts to go wonky you will NOT get the typical lower-right side pain. No, it could never be that easy. Apparently the trendy pain spot for hipster appendixes(appendices?) is the belly button. Stereotypical pains are strictly reserved for the actual rupture itself. Followed by an excruciating trip to the ER and subsequent emergency surgery.
On the up-side, they have some wicked-good IV pain meds nowadays.

Yet another thing to occupy my time

2008-05-28T11:47:00.002-04:00

Look at my cool new widget on the left. The one underneath my Etsy shop. Yeah, that one. I joined Library Thing to keep track of all my books. Plus it seems like an interesting way to see who likes the same things that I like.

Just what I needed - another place to spend time online. My house is NEVER gonna get cleaned.

2008-05-23T08:23:00.006-04:00

Selling on Etsy is fun, but it is really only half the fun. Shopping from the many fantastic shops is incredible. There are so many talented people there I literally spend hours browsing around. A few things lately have proven to be irresistible. I had to have them.

This one is called Owls in the Arbor and it comes from BirdzNBeez. I had the hardest time choosing between this and another Owl necklace, I may need to go back and get the other one, too.

Marcus Berkner made this gorgeous sterling silver pendant. I received this one yesterday and was blown away with its beauty and delicate detail. The stone is a garnet(one of my favorite gemstones).

It both depresses me and inspires me to see such fantastic pieces. Will I ever become that good? I would love to move on and grow and really create unique pieces. Hopefully as time goes by, I will grow and improve. Its definitely something to work towards.

One Night Only

2008-05-16T15:43:00.002-04:00

Occasionally I work with a non-profit group as a fund-raiser. Last night I was lucky enough to work the Van Halen concert. Lucky because I was a fan way back in the day, and lucky because the paying fans were so damn entertaining. There were several varieties of fans present. Guys who looked like they have not changed their style a bit since their last VH concert a quarter century ago roamed amidst over-dressed aging yuppies trying to recapture their lost youth. Throw in a dash of families escorting their kids to an "oldies" concert and you have a general idea of the crowd's makeup.

One couple was particularly hilarious, and although they believed we were laughing with them, such was not the case. They were completely shit-faced even before they stopped at our stand to buy our overpriced beer. The guy loudly(and repetitively) announced that they had come ALL THE WAY from BALTIMORE to attend this concert. This was amazing mostly for the fact that we were, in fact, IN Baltimore at the time. Wow dude, what a coincidence! I came all the way from Baltimore too! Dude, we are like twins or something.
Every time he made his announcement(which would be at least 8 times) his drunken "ladyfriend" laughed like he was the next King of All Comedy. After they got their beers he said it(yet again) and followed up with the official lamest, old-timiest, most not funny punch line ever invented for the 1922 Comedy Olympics. We flew in all the way from Baltimore just for this concert...(wait for it)...(pray he really does not say it)...and BOY are our arms tired!(shoot me)

Also included in funtime cavalcade was a middle aged lady who told me four times that she could not believe she was at the concert with her 20 year old nephew - cos she is the cool Aunt, a guy I went to High School with, and many nice people who tipped us(we love you guys).

The best part of the night was when Van Halen finally took the stage everyone went into the concert and stayed there. Meaning, of course, we were free to take turns going in and watching the show. It was much better than I thought it was going to be and I remembered how much I loved this band back in the days of my misspent youth. I sneakily took several cell phone videos and found out later that I do, in fact, have the worst cell phone camera available for purchase anywhere. It is several minutes of a bright blob accompanied by loud garbled static. In person it was a pretty awesome performance of Beautiful Girls. If I had not lost the wire to my cell phone, I could post my blobby video here and amaze the world with my kick-ass videographer skillz.
But I can't - you lucky lucky world.

Coming Soon...

2008-05-14T01:26:00.003-04:00

I have finally gotten some usable pictures of my jewelry to list on Etsy. These are two pieces that will be posted in the next few days. I'm really happy with the bracelet, it is so pretty. I made one a while ago with a big purple flower and matching swarovski crystals, but I can't bring myself to offer it for sale. I think I might want to keep it for myself. Which is kind of silly, since I rarely wear jewelry anyway.

2008-05-06T20:24:00.004-04:00

These are some shots from a trip we took a few months ago. Mr.Z is coaching director for a soccer club(it sounds very impressive when you put it like that). So we got to go to the ocean for free so he could, um I don't really know what he was there for, we just watched some kids soccer games. Whatever - a free weekend away is not something to be sneezed at. I got to go play with my camera, eat in restaurants every night, and basically have fun. So let's see - yessir, I believe I'll take it.

First up is this typical postcard-type shot. Waves, bird, sand, you get the idea. I think the composition is OK, nothing spectacular.

Birdie sez - I poop on yer techniques.

Took this one from the car. It's in Delaware and I believe that tower was a coast watchtower back in the 40's. You can kinda see the window glare in the bottom left part of the picture.

I'm in yr towr, watchin yer submareenz

I think I like this one best. I can't remember where I took it, somewhere between the ocean and home. It's kind of surreal and strange - all those closely grouped smokestacks off in the distance and the way the picture is divided into unequal thirds.

Insert witty Mad Max comment here.

2008-05-04T21:48:00.005-04:00

So I've been scanning old slides lately. This one is me, age 7 1/2 at The Enchanted Forest in Baltimore. As I studied the picture and bemoaned my advanced age and lost youth, I noticed the guy leading the horse...He looks to be about 16 or so, maybe its his first summer job. He's probably in his fifties now, might be a grandfather. He's lived most of the best years of his life between then and now. Grown up, landed a real job, gotten married and had kids. Retirement is looming closer and closer on his horizon. What has his life been like? Does he look back fondly on his youthful summer leading kids on pony rides?

We pass people every day, our lives brush against theirs and we each move on. We almost never give them a second thought. At the time I can almost certainly say my mom did not notice him, she was focused on snapping a shot of her daughter on a pony. I never gave him a thought until tonight. I'm sure he did not pay much attention to the kids he escorted, unless they fell off, or bit the horse, or did something equally memorable. I wonder how many strangers have a picture of me in the background of their photos. How weird would that be - to look at someone's album and see yourself in the background? I think it would be awesome.

ETA: Looking at that photo, I see why I picked my avatar. I think they look alike.

Lacrosse

2008-04-30T23:04:00.003-04:00

A shot I took at my daughter's lacrosse game today. That's her with the ball, running for the goal. She's only been playing for four years because there is not any kind of rec lacrosse programs in our area for younger kids. Its a shame because this is such a fascinating sport. She first picked up a stick in the Spring of her 9th grade year. Her team only has one game left in their season and then she graduates. I hope I don't embarrass her by crying like a sentimental idiot at the final game.

Aaah, I keep editing this post but I cannot get the words right! Everything seems so choppy and tacked together. It almost seems like some kind of horrible fourth grade book report.
This book was good. It is about lacrosse. It is a game. I am a dork.

To flow along with the choppy theme of today's post, please allow me to now jump to a completely unrelated topic.
I just cannot seem to get any kind of motivation going for anything lately. So yesterday, as I sat on the couch vegetating in front of my laptop, I pulled up Wordpad and created a to-do list for the coming week. My goals for today are to put away some of the giant mountain of clean laundry piled in the basement and post some more jewelry on Etsy. It is with great pride that I claim great strides in finishing this list. So far today I have accomplished these vitally important tasks:

1.) had a nutritious breakfast of Chocolate PopTarts
2.) sat on the couch and looked at lolcats
3.) watched Fido - a touching movie about a boy and his zombie
4.) rewrote this post from yesterday
5.) let the dogs in and out and in and out 475 times

As you can clearly see, I am on a roll.

2008-04-28T20:05:00.007-04:00

Two in a row! Two in a row! Can she possibly keep up the frantic pace? Only time will tell...

Enough bitching yesterday, none today. Instead here are some of my photographs. I like them, hopefully they are not a complete suckfest.

My awesome candy bowl, featuring characters from one of my favorite movies - The Nightmare Before Christmas. I know this is supposed to be a Halloween bowl, but I don't care. It keeps me in chocolate year-round. And who could complain about that?

I made my own lightbox to photograph stuff for Etsy. Testing it out with my tiny gravestone and macro lens - I was very pleased with the results.

A traditional artsy-fartsy type pic, taken from the lacrosse field of my daughter's High School after a game. The sunset reflecting off the clouds looked awesome. This looks kind of dark and muddy in the preview. It is a little lighter and more colorful on my computer.

2008-04-27T12:18:00.002-04:00

And so is revealed my awful shame - I am the queen of all procrastinators. I have become that thing I despise, the person who creates a blog and never updates it. I am sorry, yes I am. I promise to try to do better, yes I do. Allow me now to make a post and forgive my evil delaying soul...

There is something about my hometown that(with every passing year) pisses me off more and more. I am talking about the tradition at all local sporting events of yelling OH! in the middle of the National Anthem.

Firstly - This is disrespectful and juvenile. Especially in light of the fact that our National Anthem was written here.

Secondly - This shout-out is for a team that completely does not deserve the recognition. They have consistently let down their fans for almost 25 years. The last time this team won the World Series I was pregnant with my oldest child. His wife is now expecting their first child. Maybe that is a sign - if the Birds win it all this year I'll know it is somehow directly related to my firstborn child and his own future firstborn child.

Thirdly - Come ON people if you are here to see a football game or soccer game, please stop yelling about the lame baseball team. They will follow the path they always do: off to a good start then fold like a pack of drunken playing cards by mid-July. Unless my pregnancy theory is correct.

I had the opportunity to go to an arena football game this week. Tickets were free and you just can't beat that price. I was with a group of people who had no idea, until we got the tix, that our town even HAD an arena football team. So much for advertisement and promotion. Of course, the sparse crowd had to piss me off by yelling OH! during the National Anthem, thus leading me to this post and hopefully I'll be better at posting from now on. So I guess that made everything worth it in the end.

2008-02-05T15:19:00.000-05:00

Wow, I got behind a lot faster than I thought I would. Something about the dead of winter that makes me hibernate like some kind of ultra-lazy domesticated couch bear. I've sat on the sofa with the dogs for the better part of a month-and-a-half now and have not gotten a damn thing done. I need to post some more to Etsy, make jewelry for an upcoming craft show and (most importantly) get something done around my house. Why is a sofa, the TV remote and two dogs such an irresistible combination when its cold outside?

2007-12-25T19:57:00.000-05:00

Feeling a little better. Having a Merry Christmas.
Happy Holidays to one and all.

2007-12-23T19:39:00.000-05:00

Still sick. Fever making me crazy. Oh wait, I think I may already have been crazy. Dunno, ask me later.

2007-12-22T20:32:00.000-05:00

My first ever sale on Etsy! Woohoo! I am so excited I danced around the house when I saw the sale. MyFairyBabies bought them and I can't wait to mail them out to her.

Of course, with every good thing, something crappy must also happen. So to balance out my joy, I am sick again. Congested, coughing, sneezing, runny nose...the works. Just in time for last minute Christmas preparations. It doesn't matter though, my first sale still wins out over being sick. Woot!

Blargle blargle blargle

2007-12-21T19:09:00.000-05:00

Now I am rested and feeling guilty I was such a whiny bitch in the last post. But I still think it is wrong to hog tables when the mall is crowded.

Plus I feel really too damn old because I can remember Betamax. I guess I better brush up on my mad crotchety old table-hogging skillz.

Merry Damn Christmas

2007-12-21T16:23:00.000-05:00

I hate malls any time of year but especially at Christmas. Holiday crowds do not equal Seasonal Fun. I am there because I put off my damn internet shopping too damn long and don't want to pay $867.50 to have my purchases delivered overnight. Fuckballs.

Anyway. I don't get the whole "mall as social scene", unless you are a kid. Kids want to get out of their parents' houses and hang around with friends. But please, don't old people have ANY other place to congregate? They have their own homes, can't they monopolize their own freaking living rooms? They could invite the other old geezers over for a Matlock marathon, if only they knew how to work the scary newfangled Betamax tape machine. Must they camp relentlessly all over the food court, hogging tables while completely NOT EATING ANYTHING, blissfully ignoring tired shoppers who just want to sit and grab a quick bite to eat? I'd say "go sit in the fucking library", but that's not fair to people trying to study.

Also, crowds make me anxious, the mall clown with the balloons reminds me of Pennywise, I hate spending money, I have NO IDEA what to get my friend this year, and my house is even messier than usual.

Bleh

2007-12-19T10:56:00.000-05:00

Here's another listing from my Etsy shop. I love these earrings, but the tops are a little different and that is driving me crazy. Part of me knows that it will be virtually unnoticeable when they are being worn, but a bigger part of me is an obsessive Adrian-Monk-like nitpicker. Now if I could only manage to give a damn about housework, my house would not be such a flaming shithole.

And...just for fun. Here's another pic of Milo without his dignity.

I can haz privaceez? no.

Kitty Filler

2007-12-18T18:40:00.000-05:00

Meet Milo. He used to be something of a badass but now he is completely my daughter-in-law's bitch. She has him totally conquered. As you can see, he can't even get a private moment to lick his nonexistent harbls. Poor little Hitler Cat.

This tent hog is Meow Meow. He alternates his time between fiercely protecting his natural-born right to exclusively occupy the tent and mindlessly sifting through the litter box for hours. Litterfest only ends when the box is empty, or my son discovers litter all over the floor and takes MM away for "showertime".

I guess by now you noticed that I have nothing to say today. When in doubt, post animals.

Etsy

2007-12-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

I opened a store at Etsy. I sell my jewelry at local craft shows and really wanted to try selling online.

Here's one of the first pieces I posted for sale. I'm very pleased with the picture I took. Especially considering the MacGuyvered light box I used. It was a cut-up cardboard box draped with sheer white fabric. The backing is a leftover piece of poster board and the lights were about $4 each at Home Depot. Not too shabby - or is it?

Hi

2007-12-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

So, here I am. Late to the damn party as usual. Even the president of Iran or some such guy has a blog. So now I do, too. Whoop-de-freakin-do. Anyway. This should be relatively painful. Seeing as how I don't talk very much and almost never about myself. Plus, when I *do* talk it generally sounds like a pissed-off sailors' convention. I guess this can be some sort of free therapy, or at the very least it will turn me into a quasi-literate communicator. I hope. Who am I kidding.

Hopefully here I will post my photography, things I've made(Hey! visit my etsy shop - I'm a shameless media whore!) and things that attract my attention. Plus this will add to the list of things I am busy with, so do your own damn laundry can't you see I'm busy with this really very vitally important crap.?.

So, lets start this thing right. All the way back at the VERY beginning. That's the first picture ever. Ever. In the world. Its from 1826 and was taken in France by a guy who's name totally escapes me at the moment and I am too tired to Google him.

Joseph Nicéphore Niépce. I am a dork.